


You Jumped

by ally_sally



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:48:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22757296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ally_sally/pseuds/ally_sally
Summary: I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS WORK BEING HOSTED ON ANY UNOFFICIAL APPS OF WEBSITES, ESPECIALLY ONES WITH AD REVENUE OR SUBSCRIPTION SERVICES!“The vision was so clear, Taran would think that it had already happened, that she had been there. But this tragedy hadn’t yet occured, and Taran certainly would not be there when it did.”
Relationships: Azriel (ACoTaR)/Original Character(s), Azriel/OC
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	You Jumped

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ - This work contains graphic depictions of suicide and suicidal thoughts. 
> 
> *loosely edited as always*

The vision was so clear, Taran would think that it had already happened, as if she had been there. But this tragedy hadn’t yet occured, and Taran certainly would not be there when it did.

Azriel stood on a rocky cliff, his wings limp on his back. His hands ran through his thick black hair, tangled in the salt heavy sea breeze. The cold breeze felt like a thousand needles of ice in his wings and his face, the rest of his body was protected by his leathers. He watched the sea water crash against the jagged rocks lining the coast. 

He would miss nights like this, nights where the stars shone in the sky like a million silver lanterns. Nights where the moon stood above him in all of it’s shimmering glory. 

He had been broken for years. Centuries. And finally, he had snapped. The darkness that had dwelled within the deepest caverns of his mind had at last broken free and wreaked havoc on him, had flooded him, had numbed him. And the pain was finally too much to stand. 

He closed his eyes and inhaled the jasmine and citrus scent of the Night Court, the scent of his dearest and oldest friend. The scent that had soothed after seemingly endless nightmares. The scent of his home. 

The world would be a better place if he wasn’t in it. If the fearsome Shadowsinger who inspired terrible nightmares in young children were gone. Feyre and Rhysand’s child would grow old and thrive in a place where he no longer existed and that thought was an ultimate comfort to him.  
A single tear streaked down Azriel’s cheek and he took a step forward, forward toward his self-proclaimed destiny. He took in a heavy breath, opened his wet eyes, and stepped off the rocky cliff’s edge.

He slammed into the water and and explosion of pain erupted across his entire body, he was right, the water was so cold that he could barely move against the strong currents as they dunked him and swept him away. He was slowly losing his consciousness and the current slowly grew weaker, until it deposited him far off the shore, far enough away that nobody would hear him if he cried for help. 

He slowly let go and began to sink. His lungs burned and he thrashed, the corners of his vision blurring with black. He was no longer in control of his body, this was his mind trying desperately to survive. But he wouldn’t.

He didn’t regret it. The only complaint he had was that it was so painful. He could’ve chosen a quick death, but he hadn’t. He didn’t deserve the luxury. He deserved to suffer, to be in excruciating pain in his last moments. It will all be over soon enough. He thought. And slowly, so slowly, his heart slowed until it still within his chest. And his body went limp in the water. 

And Azriel was dead.

Taran woke screaming. Strong arms were wrapped around her and voices that she couldn’t distinguish were conversing worriedly. Her screaming didn’t stop, she could still see his blue tinted skin, his lifeless eyes, his limp form floating in the water. Her mind didn’t stop replaying the exact moment when she heard his heart still and his thrashing body went still. She knew it would haunt her for eternity. 

She slowly opened her eyes and began to register where she was, who she was with, whose arms were around her. She finally realized what she was shrieking, whose name she was shrieking. 

It was the scent that hit her first, the night-chilled mist and cedar. Her eyes shot open and met with the green veined hazel eyes of the Shadowsinger. A broken sob escaped her and she threw her arms around his neck, burying her head into the crook of his neck. Feeling his pulse thrum steadily against her cheek. 

Azriel gulped as he felt something click deep within him. As he felt a shimmering bridge of pure, undiluted light fall into place between him and the female in his arms. He pushed that mating bond aside for the time being, he couldn’t focus on that when Taran was so distressed.

“Breathe.” Azriel instructed. Taran was shaking violently in his arms and he felt the fabric covering his shoulder quickly soak through from her tears. He felt her try to take a deep breath, but she was hyperventilating.

He pried her off of him and sat her in his lap. He engulfed her hands in his and used a shadow to force her to look at him. To make him her center for now, until she could calm down and he could find out what happened. His shadows were already trying to get through her mental shields and find out.

“Deep breath.” He said and she tried her best to take a breath that lasted longer than a few seconds. “Breathe in while I count. Five seconds to start with.”. She nodded, and he wiped away the tears that still poured down her cheeks.

“One, two, three, four—” He cut off abruptly when a shadow curled around his ear and whispered, The Seer saw your plan. What you are going to do tomorrow night when the moon is high above you and only the stars are watching. 

He went deathly still and knew it was a mistake when another sob escaped Taran’s trembling lips. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. He swept an arm under her legs and cradled her quivering figure against his chest. Where he knew she could feel his chest rising and falling and hear his heart beating steadily. 

“It’s going to be okay.” He murmured, pressed a kiss to the top of her head, the only form of intimacy he’d allow himself with her. She let out another broken sob and whimpered, “You— you were drowning, you were dying.”.

He let out a shaky breath, “I know,” he whispered. “But i’m going to make you a promise right now. That vision, is one that—” He took in a deep breath. “That vision will never come true.”

She was still weeping and her hands were now gripping his shoulders. “I can’t— you’re my mate— you can’t leave me!”. The room went silent, the only sound was the gasps coming from Cassian and Elain. Azriel pulled her impossibly closer, and whispered against her sweat slicked hair, “I know. I’m not going anywhere.”.

“How can I believe that?” Taran yelled, pulled back. “How can I believe that you’re not going to do it?” She cried. “You jumped off that cliff, Azriel. You jumped.”.

The room’s scent became almost unbearable as the entire inner circle’s tears joined Taran’s. They finally realized what he’d planned to do. “I know,” He whispered again, “I’m not going to do it. I never thought that I’d have a true reason to live. But I never even let myself consider us. I won’t do that to you.”.

“I’m not leaving you.” He reassured her until at last, she drifted to sleep in his arms, nearly hours later.

Once he knew for certain that Taran was asleep, he stood on shaky legs and walked to her room. He didn’t winnow, he wanted to hold her. She was the only true comfort he’d felt. Cassian and Rhys always helped, but they never soothed the wounds so deep within him. Not like she did. His mate.

He kicked open her slightly ajar door and laid her under the covers, tucking them around her. He kissed her forehead and just when he was about to leave and let her sleep, he heard a soft whimper from the bed. He turned to find Taran sitting up in bed, new tears flowing down her red cheeks. She was shaking her head vigorously and saying “Don’t leave me.” over and over and over.

Azriel nodded and walked back to her, sitting on the edge of her bed. She pushed back the covers with her feet and patted the spot beside her. Azriel bit his lip and looked down at his dirty leathers. “Can I change into something clean first?” He asked. She gulped and gripped the hand that had been resting by her thigh. She didn’t say anything as she rose, but the message was clear. She was going with him. And he couldn’t blame her for wanting to be next to him. He couldn’t imagine seeing such a vivid depiction of his mate’s death. Watching her chest stop rising would kill him. 

Azriel pulled her into his side and they walked in silence to his bedroom on the other side of the riverfront estate. Taran didn’t leave his side for even a second, even going as far as watching him as he changed into a pair of loose training pants. But it wasn’t his bare body laid before her that she watched, it was his chest, to make sure that it continued moving. 

It broke Azriel’s heart watching her. Knowing that she would likely always be haunted by what she had seen tonight.

So he made a silent vow, to forever protect this beautiful female from all of the darkness of this cruel world, and the darkness of his cruel mind.


End file.
